Elena Banana's Blog ^_^

What do you do for fun when you're broke? 
Submitted by Kim. 

sex. doesn't cost a thing ;)

If you feel like getting lost in a movie, watch The Science of Sleep, directed by Michel Gondry.

It's captivating, surreal and strangely comical in the sense that you could find yourself giggling at something and not realising why for another whole minute or so. It's intellectual without being pretentious, and sad but removed, as you would expect, I suppose, from a movie that pushes the dance between dreams and reality to an ultimate extreme.

The movie is about Stefan, a young Mexican man who has moved to France to be with his mother after his father's death and for the promise of a good job. He has these colourful quirky dreams, in which he is no longer the shy , fumbling graphic artist but a beaming, confident host of Stefan TV. He falls in love with his neighbour, and increasingly the wacky, almost twisted dreams begin to spill into real life. I particularly loved the little cardboard police cars that chased him. Random is an understatement, and probably not even the right word, as each seemingly abstract element has in fact been expertly crafted together to create a hazy, wonky but endearing piece of work.

It almost reminded me of a 20th century ballet by Stravinsky, Petrushka, in which a magician brings to life three puppets, and the audience is transported to the world in which the puppets are alive: Hideous Petrushka pining after, and being rejected by the Ballerina, and being chased away by the Blackamoor. The puppets then chase each other into the magician's marketplace, and Petrushka's skull is smashed in. The villagers are reminded that the puppets were nothing more than wooden figures, but the ambiguity is emphasised when the magician is visited by Petrushka's ghost.

Obviously this is a much more blunt depiction of such blurs, but keeping in mind that the subtlety is achieved through the intricacies of dance and composition, it's interesting to compare to film where we are so accustomed to the little tricks that directors and cinematographers can employ to affect the audience.

I loved Gael Garcia Bernal in the film, and not just because he's cute either. His character was that perfect blend of innocence and the arsehole factor that so so many males inherently possess, of uncertainty and cockiness, and one connected with him through his view of the world effortlessly.

I have to think really hard to find something to criticise about the film....I guess some people would find it takes time to be drawn into the universe of it, and I didn't quite understand Stefan's relationship with his mother, it seemed to take a backseat to his unrequited love for neighbour, Stephanie. But overall this film just delighted me and not in the snobby arty-farty way that I was expecting, either.

Surrealism is cool.

Just because I've been really sad lately......here's another downer for you guys ^_^

I was watching Sunrise this morning (don't judge me, please, i was waiting for early morning simpsons to start) and they were just ripping into Ben Cousins and the drugs. And for some reason I just found myself welling up. I like West Coast Eagles and all, and Cousins is...(or is it was?) an awesome player but I'm not obsessed or anything.

But just watching it all made me so sad, and the things people were saying about him broke my heart. At the same time though, you saw all his fans giving him so much support and then six months later he's let them down again, so why should anybody feel sorry for him?

I must be just overreacting to this because I have these dreams, every single night now for the last few weeks, and in it everything's better, and strange and wonderful, and then I wake up and remember reality and then have to force myself to even do anything that day. Most people are stronger than that. Not me. I have this idea of myself that I want to bring to reality, but it's just easier to say what I want when I want, and not care about the consequences. Even if it means fucking up with the person you care about the most.

I should be better than that. I'm not. Aaaaaaaaannnnnd this is starting to become a little bit emo, not cool.

So I've been reading up on the tax cut bullshit a little in the papers. I decided to approach this election from a completely level standpoint, even though I come from a family that supports Labor. I didn't want that to be the reason behind my vote, so there's been lots of reading of the Australian, various online news and heated political debates at bars and in my living room (although I'll tell you now, as far as attracting men goes, me raving about politics is equivalent to wearing a dead fish around my neck), in order to better inform myself.

Seems pretty straightforward now but it the whole campaign is such infuriating bullshit. Anyone can tell me that. It's all dodging questions, coming up with excuses, bitching about the other party. Fuck. They're a bunch of teenage girls. Oh my god Rudd and Swan had to look over the government's $34billion tax cut thingy, how unprepared. Oh my god Howard was quizzed on the current interest rate and got it wrong. Big fucking deal. (okay maybe that last one is a little worrying)

I got a letter from Ross Vasta yesterday about how i should "not experiment with my vote". i'm fucking 19, i get to do that. i've got a lifetime ahead of me to experience different governments. Us kids love change for the sake of change. Don't get me wrong, I like Mr Vasta. He's a cool guy, goes to my church and everything (reappeared long after that whole Iraq scandal that he was linked to) but i can't just vote for him cause i know him, that would be wasting my vote too.

I know some people really don't give a shit. Good for them. I actually do, and to take a break from my usual cynicism, I live in a marginal electorate, which means every vote actually does count, so I want to vote for the winning party and say "yeah i helped put them there". I just dont' know which one will get my vote yet.

In conclusion, ranting has eased my pain, and brought me to a revelation. My recent actions are probably going to end up with me losing a best friend. I've had best friends before, and I've lost them (granted I never slept with any of them) but over the years it stops hurting. so i will stop hurting for this best friend. eventually. I've said it before, there's no worse feeling than missing somebody, but it fades. And I have to stop doing what they want and do what's best for me.

Sorry for the slight emo-ness ;)

I love spring. Spring is my birthday, my best friend's birthday, sunny days, and rain (well, it used to have rain).

It's also the time of the year when every morning you can wake up at the crack of dawn because it's impossible to stay sleeping while the sun is  up, but you don't mind, because the day is just that beautiful you can't be mad or sad or anything.

The neighbours behind my house cut down all the big trees that was separating us from each other. Now there's just a low fence, and because they're so much higher than us, and a double story house looking down on us, we have no more privacy.

That means no more topless sunbaking in the backyard for Elena :(

In other news, I really want to get a job at this funky little record store in the city. I never noticed it before, but I found it yesterday and it's really cute and I got a David Bowie record for $5 and I'm all excited now.

well if you wanted people to love you, you sure blew it with that insane rampage......

hmmmmm i shouldn't have the simpsons on in the background while I write, although, the amount of moments from that series that sparked deep philosophical questions definitely suggests otherwise.

That above quote has nothing to do with my life situation at the moment. NOTHING.

Anyway I'm gonna go start writing stuff for the election, I've been too distracted with uni and smelly boys to do anything useful, but i'm on midsemester break, and have ridden myself of smelly boys, so it shouldn't be a problem now.

Ciao my pretties

I've been sad before, but never this sad.

It was the horrible kind, the most selfish kind of sad, where you don't want to get out of bed or off the couch, you feel sick even from the thought of eating any sort of food, and having a normal conversation with anyone brings you on the verge of tears. The most selfish kind of sad because you don't give a shit about anyone or anything but yourself.

I almost regret talking about this here after sharing the URL of my blog with a whole bunch of people and the possibility of a bunch of people actually reading it, but I've never been one to follow logic or irrational thought so fuck it.

Things I've learned from these last few days....

I've learned that it's unsafe to open yourself up to ANYBODY because the minute I'm comfortable enough to be myself, the minute I feel a kind of safety that lets me stop worrying so much about what other people think, is the minute that I am rejected.

Secondly, my music is extremely important to me, and while it's meant to be shared with everyone, I want to grow as a person and a musician before it's shown to the world. In the meantime I share it with those who mean the most to me, just because it's what you do. I don't want to share it with people whose opinions won't matter, or people who aren't my closest dearest friends.

Thirdly...fuck it. Fuck it all. Fuck everything and nothing because letting yourself be happy only means allowing the possibility to be sad. This isn't me being negative and depressing, I'm going to get told to lighten up, but FUCK IT. This isn't me being a bitch, it's called protecting myself.

There are some people who, by not reading this, would make me a much happier person, I don't think I can control that but I also very much doubt that their reading of this would actually occur. In any case I like to talk, a lot. When I can't talk, I write. A lot. And I welcome criticism and praise (mostly praise) so my writing can improve. Just a note that I'm not writing this to  anybody in particular, just articulating the thoughts circulating in my head.

But hey, I'm sounding too serious, I'm only 19, still a kid. I'm gonna not take anything in life seriously because there's no point when you're still a teenager. Deep thought and reflection is for people with a little more life experience under their belt. Fuck it, fuck everyone, fuck me.

Oh have I got a lot to catch you guys up on. Let's start with last weekend (7-9th Sep). Coolness.

Friday night was a 21st I went to, which had a fire, and drunk people, and lots of craziness. I don't think I got too drunk, probably why I remember most of the night. Unfortunately no cake, but the awesomundo bbq food more than made up for it. By ten o'clock we had guys unable to stand from the amount of alcohol they had consumed. They are definitely going in my cool books.

Woke up the next morning, the beautiful sun was shining, we had a nice breeze, and there was lots of smoke: one of the massive sheds nearby was on fire, there were helicopters everywhere. I was half pissed off I missed out on the possibility of breaking this incredibly newsworthy story, and half too tired to move. Let's just say the latter got the better of me. But I had to rush home, because I had a wedding to perform at and attend.

My family friend Neisha and Chris got married at the Bowen Hills church which was massive and so oldfashionedly pretty that I can't even think of an apt metaphor to describe it. Needless to say, the beautiful singer Jo, prodigy keyboardist Carlos, unimaginably talented songwriter singer and guitarist Nihal, as well as my humble violining self, needless to say we made a lot of people cry with our music. I'm quite the modest one, but hey a good moment is a good moment.

The ceremony was sweet and traditional, with a few funnies...for example, Neisha vowing to take Chris as her lawful wife :S (a self-corrected mistake which broke the ice) I had to be on my best behaviour because our little musician room upstairs had a camera on us the entire time. Good thing I wore comfy undies.

Then there was the reception. Hilton ballroom. Lots of champagne, in fact, I was drunk before they even let us into the actual room. My friends and I worked out the circuit that the waiters were taking in the pre-drinks room and managed to intervene before the drinks ran out.

I got to sit on the cool young hip people's table, including two of Nihal's male cousins who happened to be closet Australian Idol fans. They still turned out to be pretty cool though. I kept drinking and drinking and talking and laughing at the funny speeches, and then crying at the speeches, and then laughing at Nihal's smartarse comments...but then it was time to dance.

And dance I did. In my towering heels I could see over most of the guys' heads (well, the Indian ones anyway) and I managed not to fall. I did try to make Nihal look really good for all the ladies by trying to get him to dance with the adorably adorable flowergirl (we had just watched wedding crashers the week before, i thought he would catch on) but this plan failed, and probably for the best seeings as the two were almost the same height.  Overall the night was just magical, and I got to take a break from dancing when the banghra music started and all the sari-clad women had their turn to dance....

Hungover and redeyed, the next morning i drove my mother to the butchershop to buy meat for my birthday bbq at newfarm park. I don't know how I managed to keep drinking, and even climb trees, but I did. And it was good fun, with my closer friends, good food, family, and the river right in front of us. Poor Aldo made it there after we had all left, but that's the Aldo thing to do, so there were no hard feelings.

Tuesday the 11th was my birthday and was kinda boring, I pretty much went to uni and out for dinner with my family and Aidan. I guess it was a warning of what it's like being 19, and so far, it's been pretty accurate. I've got more important things to worry about though, uni, other friends' birthdays, midsemester break........

Sorry this post hasn't been very deep or meaningful, I promise you guys first dibs on any deep meaningful thoughts I may or may not have. xoxo
peace out

It seems, according to my psych-student best friend, that I am experiencing a quarter-life crisis. Elena you're being melodramatic. No I'm not.

It's funny though because I was reading up on such crises and they occur to people in their early twenties who have entered "the real world" and are having trouble dealing with the changes, new challenges, and expectations placed on them. I pretty much woke up one day and decided to scrap my dream of writing for Rolling Stone magazine, and then proceeded to overanalyse the situation and reach the conclusion that despite my remarkable talent for writing (don't let these blog posts fool you, i've been a published author since aged 10), I am not cut out for journalism, and with no other options, I will become a toll booth collector or bus driver and live to a miserable old age yelling at the youngenns.

And then my dreams of being a famous musician was crushed when I decided I was too scared to audition for the con or the UQ music program. Is that pathetic or is that pathetic?

I need a direction in my life or I become extremely depressed. And I'm feeling extremely threatened by my environment at the moment, so I will most likely be lashing out at those closest to me (apologies in advance xoxo).

In other more mundane news, it appears my mother might be going blind. High blood pressure, caused by us terrible children, has burst the blood vessels in her left eye and she has pretty much no vision out of it, but if it gets worse and happens to her right eye, my mummy won't be able to see :( i really really hope that doesn't happen.

I promise the next post will be less whiny/sad/etc.

n the last tale I left you at the end of my journey to Byron for Splendour in the Grass, and now is a detailed recount of my recent days, and what i learned from my assignment (yeah the one that's taking over my life).....

Commodity fetishism. According to uni- the confusion of use-value for exchange value. ie, placing a monetary value on something that never had one before. One example of this is lifestyle. Ads don't sell products anymore, they sell lifestyles. Right?

Anyway I was thinknig about this in relation to music. Music itself has become a commodity. And lo and behold, It turns out that German philosopher Theodore Adorno had the same idea. According to him, music as a commodity fetishism sees it not only become a commercial product, but also a product determined by the "monopolies of the industries", propagated by "the authoritarian radio networks". (Adorno, 1974). Sure he wrote this many many years ago, but it is still, if not, more true today than ever.

2004 saw the merging of BMG and Sony, reducing the number of MAJOR major record labels from 5 to 4.

Flip through your music magazine. Or have a browse through FasterLouder. The "journalistic articles" you find will not likely have a hard news angle. Rather, it will be linked to either an album release or upcoming/current tour. Music media is thus, essentially, FREE marketing for bands. And bands under the more prominent record labels will receive more FREE marketing, as these promiment record labels have a firm control over the entertainment sector of the marketplace.

Do you think it's right that such forces of the liberal capitalist society should determine the information flow of music?

i.e. Is it fair that a company that controls 25% of the music "market" (a term which as a musician, i resent) gets to determine what bands we read about, what concerts are advertised EVERYWHERE, etc?

These are just a few thoughts I've been having in light of my recent research. I would love to hear what anyone has to say about it. Let's engage in discussion!! Am I completely off the mark? Do you want to call me a dirty commie? (nooo i'm not a commie for the record, but freedom of speech says you can call me one, unless i feel like suing for libel/defamation)

Anyway onto the sad stuff :(

Tony Wilson passed away. (This is sort of old news now but if you couldn't already tell by my blogwhoring, I'm sort of recycling posts because I'm naughty and lazy and uninspired right now) As a recent but avid fan of Joy Division and New Order, and now that I know a little bit more about Wilson's life and accomplishments, this news is not good. He wasn't that old either, in his early fifties if i'm not mistaken. Watching 24hour party people, all i could do was wish desperately for a time machine to take me back to that era, so i could visit the Factory club, and buy its records, and see Joy Division perform live in their early days.

I also saw Control at the BIFF the other night (remember me raving about it in my earlier blogs?)
It wasn't bad, interesting to see the same events as 24HPP but from a different perspective, however the middle section of the movie dragged out a little too long. Happy to see that his wife wrote and produced (or helped produce) it, probably meant the movie was less perverted or something. Anyway, I considered Tony Wilson somewhat of a hero, maybe you think that's an overstatement, but music today wouldn't be what it is if it weren't for the music of yesterday, and he was one of yesterday's key people.

That's enough of my rambling for tonight, my fingers are sore from typing and i'm starving....
Signing off xoxoxox
peace out ;)

So Sunday morning, we'd had a proper night's rest (supposedly) and were hungover and bleary-eyed and ready to take on the second day of musical festivities...

In true splendour style (not sure what that actually is cause i'd never been before), mcbean, my friend, and I arrived late, again, and walked into the grounds from the other end (that's where the bus dropped us off)....by the way, trippiest busride EVER....

and then walked all the way through to the camping grounds at the front end where we hung out with some random guys that he knew, but I quickly became friends with. They were rad.

Two of them I decided to cling to for the rest of the day....we saw Gotye, it was packed and we had a really shitty standing spot, but it was awesome. I'm in love. All day, one of the dudes had been singing Heart's A Mess on his megaphone, and it was beautiful, and then when Gotye actually performed it, and he was singing along,a nd everyone was singing along, I felt as if my heart was about to burst out of my chest.
Okay that sounds lame, forget I said that (but between you and me, that's actually how i felt) And then we saw a few bands after that who i don't remember. I really wanted to see the Waifs, can't remember why we missed them but i'm sure it was a good reason.

Saw Bloc Party of course, and the crowd was fucking mental. I'm so glad i was with these guys cause they saved my arse a few times, and even suggested moving back from our prime spot. i was kinda pissed (and pissed off:P) but they'd been buying me drinks all day, and giving me smokes, and i was gonna do whatever the fuck they told me to (with limits of course, I'm a taken lass) Anyway Bloc Party didn't disappoint as one of the headline acts, except for the fact htat I was missing the shins to see them :( got to see the last half hour of course but it just wasn't the same. (still awesome)

wondering why everything's all over the place in here? these were my thoughts at the time, random, eclectic, nonsensical. I'm not a writer tonight, i'm a thinker. i'm just thinking and letting the thoughts come out. lets just say i'm inspired by schoenberg at the moment, who was all for the raw expression of human emotion. except maybe minus the deliberate-ness of it.

AAnnnnnyway, also saw a little bit of arctic monkeys, they were okay, might have been better if i saw the whole act though. sneaky sound system didn't deliver, and hilltop hoods, whom i don't really like, were a delight to be in, once again because the crowd was just there to have fun, and that's all you really want when you're at a festival. who gives a fuck if the music sucks. lol. (oh no i didn't just lol in a blog. ignore that).

Anyway, afterwards, random guy #1 bought his sixth pack of smokes for the day, gave one to me as he lit up, and led the way back to his campsite where a bunch of us hung out in front of a fire.

i ended up crashing at the campsite. innocently.

anyway, left the next day, and tried to come back down to earth. I'm almost there now.

So I went to Splendour this year. Lost my festival virginity, exciting stuff. It's been a whirlwind since last weekend. I accidentally slit my brother's throat, my mum told me to go off the pill, and I just found out Tony Wilson died. Oh yes and my first uni assignment of the semester is taking over my life and has shaken up my dream to write for Rolling Stone in the US.

We arrived in Byron on Friday afternoon, and I was just happy to make it there alive considering we drove down in my mate's unroadworthy car. As part of the dramas, our accommodation was booked for the Saturday and Sunday night, so we went from the pub, to the beach, to the car where we slept. The pub was fucking crowded, and the two friends I was with, well, one was driving and the other's new year's resolution was to not drink, so I got drunk all on my lonesome. Met up with others later, but the excitement was building up for the next day.

Saturday morning we got the keys to the house and dumped all our crap in there before rolling a few for the road and hitting Splendour. I wore gumboots. It didnt' rain. Other people painted theirs all funky-like but I'm a practical kind of girl, I don't care much for that kind of fun stuff. We missed the first few acts and to be honest, the whole weekend was a blur for me so I'll try and remember who I actually saw.....

Editors:
I saw them by myself, because I didnt' want to get dragged around seeing bands the pinger-heads were wanting to see. The band played well, and a hot guy in dreads was making eyes at me, until I embarrassingly spilled my beer, and then I was on my own.

Airborne:
These guys were just crazy. I hadn't heard their music before, and it was okay for a first impression, but the lead singer was just trying way too hard to be rock&roll. I'm all about effortlessness in my music heroes. He does not fall even closely into that category.

Expatriate:
This was sort of hard to enjoy, I mean the music was great and everything but I was meant to meet up with a friend, and it never happened. So at this stage I'm still by myself but up until now I was having fun. :(

The Beautiful Girls:
Met up with some friends-of-friends whose campsite we hung out at on Friday.They were cool, if not a little too flirty for my liking. But one of them gave me his rastafarian headband, and seeings as headbands were all the rage at Splendour this year, I just HAD to fit in of course. Got me wondering about how such trends actually start...was it just coincidence or did some cool trendsetter decide and spread through their friends that headbands were a must...? anyway I really like the beautiful girls even more after seeing them live.

Hoodoo Gurus:
Okay a quick note, I'm not going to go into the actual songs played by each artist mostly cause i can't remember, partly cause it's just going to take up too much space and i'm not the reviewer, i'm just recounting my experience, and partly cause i can't remember. did i say taht already? oops. Anyway, i loved hoodoo gurus and had friends to watch them with- double woop. even though the only reason they were in there so early was to watch grinspoon

Grinspoon:
When Grinspoon came on, it was a massive crowd reaction. In fact, I'm quite sure that this is what made my experience of seeing them live so great, considering I'm not a huge fan, and while I love their older music, the earliest track I remember them playing (key term being "i remember", as this is not all that reliable, nevertheless it is what i have to go on) was Chemical Heart, the last song of theirs i liked. Anyway I was just waiting for Kaiser Chiefs

Kaiser Chiefs:
So awesome, well, even from where I was standing, which was right near the back. Having gone without food and consumed litres of alcohol over the course of the day, I was about to drop dead, and i was scrounging up the remnants of my energy to enjoy the show. Plus, it was freezing, and my jacket was grossly misjudged on its protective abilities. The two guys i was hanging with were cool, but a little too creepy for me to huddle with. I know the splendour vibe is all chillaxed and whatnot but hey, safety first right?

Powderfinger:
I literally fell asleep at the back of the tecchy-deck next to passed out drug-abusers. got up and sang along to my happiness because, well, how could you not? and then went back to sleep. somehow made it back to the house before crashing.

note to self: no matter how much of a habit you've made it, DO NOT sleep naked in byron in the middle of winter. (for anyone grossed out, it was in my sleeping bag, but still, the point was..very very cold)

Okay see part II for Sunday, this has gone on long enough